That’s right. Ofsted. Yep. We got the call yesterday lunchtime, and they showed up today. I can’t explain the complete lack of stress that I felt at the news. Total and utter absence of panic. I was able to spend time supporting and helping teaching friends prep stuff after school, which made me feel good. And yesterday evening was completely devoid of anything other than family related stuff.
I also spent all day Saturday with my little girl on a play date. All day. This is unheard of, at least unheard of without the guilt and panic that I should be somewhere else, doing something else, preferably work related. And, more to the point, we had fun. I actually enjoyed it.
I’m not necessarily sleeping any more than I was, and yet I feel far more energised and with it. I’m singing more. Making up tunes in the car. Reading more. Feeling more happy. It’s slightly scary how long it is since I’ve felt like this. Certainly years. Years. God, what a waste. And yet I can’t begin to think like that because to say the past x number of years have been a waste would be to say that everything that’s happened has been pointless. I kind of believe in fate so far as in the choices we make in life lead us to the present moment, whether they’re perceived to be good choices or bad choices. After all, perceptions of good or bad are merely subjective.
I’ve also realised just how clouded my thoughts and judgements have been. Not saying that I’m going to get it right first time, every time. But I’m less likely to beat myself up if I don’t, or second guess my choices. I feel braver. Still scared, but braver. Not sure if any of this makes sense. Perhaps I’m more tired than I thought I was?! I have other stuff going on which I’ve been debating blogging about on the basis that when I started this blog, it was more of a way of speaking out about my feelings and thoughts on being a mother. And my apparent inability to cope. Or do it right. It seems to have evolved… But then so does life does it not?
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